


Happily Dying in Your Arms

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Final fight, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 22:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11389800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: It’s the final fight between Baz and Simon. One of them has to die.





	Happily Dying in Your Arms

It was dark on the football pitch. There was thunderbolt and lightning as war stroke down on the buildings of Watford. Simon’s face flashed in anger. He was glowing due to his magic. Baz was able to feel it across the field and oh, _how_ he felt it. He was practically burning.

_Of course this is how it ends. Me burning in his fire. Set me on fire, pretty boy. I don’t mind it. Fire is kind of my thing. And when the flames eat me up, it’ll be okay. Don’t cry, pretty boy. After this night, it’s over. The horrible war that put this pressure on you. You won’t have to fight me anymore. That’s okay. You can have your enemy in me. That’s part of why I pretended to hate you. So you could release your anger on a target. So you could move your hatred upon me. I’ll take it all for you. I’ll take your fire – it’s not the worst that has happened to me._

“You never asked about my mother” Baz said. His wand felt heavy in his hand and he hadn’t casted a single spell. Not yet.

“You never managed to get me killed. Why did you wait so long? I know you tried, but you were never serious about it, were you?”

“She died in flames too, you know?”

“I didn’t want this, Baz! Why did it have to come to this? Why have you always been my enemy?”

“That’s just the way it works! We were born to stand on opposite sides. You’ve never complained until now. They want me to do this. They want you to do this. This is how it is supposed to end.”  
“But why listen to him? Why don’t we just – go?”  
If it were only that easy.

“Please, Baz. You now what I’ll have to do if you don’t stop.”

The sky was burning and hell was raised. Everything, everything was on fire.

Neither of them made a move. Waiting for the other to attack.

_We both know how this will end. But for you, my beautiful boy, I’ll keep pretending. I’ll pretend that I stand a chance against you. I’ll pretend that I intend to kill you. I’ve always been pretending for you._

They heard screaming but all they cared about was each other. It’s all they ever cared about.

The others knew that this was _their_ fight. So they kept out of it. The old families had finally started the war.

“I’m sorry, Simon. For everything.”

With that, Baz raised his wand and started to say a spell but he was cut off before he could finish it. Simon’s magic pulled him back and with a crash he fell into the grass. He would get up again. He always did. Always, always, always.

They did it again. And again. Baz was getting weaker and as he pushed himself up another time, he clenched his fingers around the grass. His arms were dirty and his hair a mess.

“You have to end this fight, Simon”, Baz said, barely able to stand tall. “End it all. Can you do that for me? Please, Simon. I’m sick of this war. It ruined my life. It is to end my life. You can do that for a dying man, can’t you?”  
“No, Baz, I- You won’t- I’m not-”

But Baz just smiled at him, his heart aching at the sight of Simon.

“Do you really think I wouldn’t have killed you long ago if I wanted to?”  
He stepped towards him ever so slowly as his legs were hurt.

“I never wanted any of this. No matter what you think. Keep that on mind. I didn’t want this.”

His body was heavy but he kept going. Always kept going for Simon Snow.

“I just wanted peace. I just wanted it to stop. But one of us has to die. So be it.”

He was now so close to Simon he could touch him. He could even kiss him. As if he’d ever bring up the courage to do that. He wasn’t so strong. But he was strong enough to raise his wand another time – a last time – and he knew that would be enough for Simon to stop him.

The sword of mages laid ready between his fingers, ready to kill. Simon drew it back slightly and made a movement as if he was about to push it through Baz’ body but then he stopped, as if to consider whether he should actually do it.

_Of course you should. I’m about to kill you. Well, not really, but you don’t know that. I’m a monster. You know that. So do it._

They were both covered in mud from the fight. They both were ready to attack, both hesitating. Which one of them would strike first? Baz knew it to be Simon as he’d never kill the boy. He’d tried some time ago and that proved to him that he couldn’t do it.

Simon would kill him now. And Baz wasn’t even so sad. It was just an ending and somehow he deserved that. He deserved to be put to rest. After this long journey it had come to this. Maybe Simon would wrap his arms around him as he was bleeding. He’d like that. Dying in Simon’s arms. Sounded like heaven to him.

Seconds were passing and neither of them moved. Their eyes were locked and Baz was drowning in the blue.

_Make it quick._

Simon’s hand moved and Baz winced. But then the sword of mages just fell out of his hand into the grass and Simon sank onto his knees.

“I can’t do it, Baz,” he whispered softly. “I could never do it.”

He started to cry, waiting for Baz to end it, but Baz kept silent. The wand fell down beneath the sword and Baz let himself sink forward. Simon didn’t even move. He just let himself fall forward and sink against Baz’ chest. Hesitating Baz moved his arms around Simon’s body. They were both shivering though heat was creeping up beside them. And then they let every border fall. They held on to each other, crying like the world was ending and maybe it was.

“Never, never, never,” Simon kept whispering.

 

None of them died that day. That night, they realized that they never really had been enemies. They weren’t fighters or villains or heroes. They were just boys. And even though the world had roles for them, with each other they were just that. Boys. Nothing more and nothing less.


End file.
